9 Tips To Introduce Your Toddler To Your Newborn
Jealousy? Tantrums? A hurt newborn? Who doesn’t want to avoid these from their toddler as they are bringing a new baby home.
When I was preparing for my first management role I also looked into change management and its theory again. There’s the common perception that humans don’t like change but that it can be managed to successfully arrive at the new state.
I often think that babies are humans like us – they just cannot do certain things yet, like express themselves properly. So why not think of them having a new baby come into their life in terms of a change that needs to – that can – be managed for a successful and desirable outcome: a harmonious life as a family of 4.
Here are my 9 tips to support your toddler with the arrival of their baby sibling.
1. Introduce The Belly
Morning sickness, fatigue, less energy – your pregnancy will show it self in some form as you know by now. This is the first step your toddler might start to feel a difference. Next you’ll want to be more careful with your belly.
If your toddler is active like mine they like to jump on you and use you as their climbing frame from the playground. On the one hand, my energy just couldn’t keep up with it and on the other hand I had to be careful that she wouldn’t hurt my belly by accident. This was when I introduced her to the belly and how she had to be careful with it.
2. Introduce The Baby
Do you have a ‘project name’ for your unborn baby? Start using it with your toddler when the belly starts being clearly visible. Even without a child present isn’t it recommended to use a name to start bonding with the baby, to introduce their presence in your life?
We had a ‘project name’ for both our daughter. When my belly was clearly showing I started talking about how there is a baby at first. Then I started to use the name. Eventually, we said ‘hello’ and ‘good night’ with a kiss to the baby. Sometimes my daughter would come to me out of the blue to give the baby a kiss. She got it!
3. Redirect Your Toddler
Once your new baby has arrived you will have less time for your toddler. Be that due to (breast-)feeding, pumping, diaper changes, giving baths or simply due to lack of energy. Help your toddler with this transition by ‘redirecting’ them to someone else before the new baby arrives.
My daughter was quite focused on me. With the above in mind and due to terrible hip pain in the first half of my third trimester, I did not join several activities on weekends. Her spending time with her dad was great for their bonding and in preparation for her sibling’s arrival. Her and dad have become the best team!
4. Approach Toddler’s Milestones
Ideally, you want your toddler to associate only positive things with the arrival of the new baby. Therefore, try to introduce any upcoming changes to your toddler’s life around the time of the birth before if it fits.
Our daughter was turning two years old just after baby’s arrival. I didn’t want her to feel like she had to do certain things like potty training because of the baby. When you start it before baby’s arrival it has the positive side effect that you still have more time and attention for it then, too.
5. Educate Your Toddler About Birth & Baby
Support your toddler’s understanding of the upcoming change with stories and images. That’s how most of us learn and understand best, too.
About a month before my due date I got two books for my daughter that talked about ‘becoming a family of 4’ – from pregnancy to birth to changes in how much time momma has for the toddler and what a baby needs.
Even with the new baby there, she still really likes the book and we read it regularly.
6. Bring Toddler A Gift From Baby
On the day that you introduce your toddler to your newborn bring them a gift from the newborn. This will create a positive association between the day and moment that the new baby enters their life.
After talking to other parents of 2 in my circle this seems to be a standard practice. They often reported that the toddler would only remember the gift received that day rather than the new baby.
7. Create Moments Just For Toddler
It is oh so easy to get wrapped up in the new born bubble, especially as momma. Make sure to create moments for your toddler that are completely about them. Either where you take them out by yourself or your partner or during a time the new baby sleeps.
Our second daughter thankfully slept a lot in the beginning. This way we were able to spend almost the same kind of time with our older daughter. Keeping her day care routine was also helpful as that was her activity.
Breastfeeding the newborn can become a moment for your toddler by using the time to read a book with your toddler.
8. Be Mindful Of Your Attention
Another trap you don’t want to fall into is to focus all your attention, language and priorities on the new baby. It’s easy to fall into the “Baby this, baby that, look at baby” trap. Also when your newborn cries, your instincts will want you to take care of it as quickly as possible.
Here’s why you should be mindful of it. Your toddler will be getting to an age where they start remembering things. If they always have to wait, if your language is always putting the focus on the newborn, your toddler will feel it.
The newborn on the other hand won’t remember much (anything?) from that phase. So if they have to cry for 5 minutes longer while you attend to your toddler it won’t hurt them. Of course, always make sure the newborn is healthy and safe!
When my daughter is around I try to actively talk to the baby about her to balance the focus. “Look baby. Toddler is home from school.” or “Hold on, baby. I need to do this with toddler first.”
9. Create Siblings Time
The newborn is there to stay. Your toddler will sooner than later realize this and has to accept it. Therefore, try to make them bond. By allowing them cuddle time if they ask for it. Never leave them alone though. Or find ways toddler can help you taking care of the baby.
My daughter loves her little sister. She wants to cuddle and hold her all the time. At night, her little sister lies next to her in bed while we read a story – based on her demand. It’s the cutest but I am paying close attention. Lying on her sister, moving her to the other side of the bed are things she has to wait to do until she’s a bit older.
Enjoy being a family of 4 – or more!
There you have my tips of how to introduce your toddler to their new sibling. It is exactly what I have done during my second pregnancy.
We are now only two months into the transition from a family of 3 to a family of 4. Our older daughter was the most switched on when she and her dad picked me and baby up from the hospital. She knew exactly what was happening and who the little baby was. She loves her so much and hasn’t shown strong jealousy. There’s occasional petting of the baby that is too strong, wanting to lift her, dropping her quickly after holding her (that’s why my hand never leaves the baby) or saying she doesn’t want me or my husband to hold her sister but carry her instead.
It’s been such a pleasure becoming a family of 4 and seeing how our first daughter is with her little sister. I hope my tips can help you and your family to a blissful start with the new baby, too.
Do you have other tips? I’d love to hear them as I know life with a toddler, every day is a new day and everything might be different. Leave them in the comments below!
