Diagnostic Skills for effective Parenting and Leadership
Motherhood is a journey that presents a unique set of challenges on a daily basis. Mommas have to constantly adapt and find solutions to the problems they encounter. Understanding the problem you are dealing with is important in identifying a solution but actually essential to go through motherhood. Therefore, as a momma you have to quickly develop your diagnostic skills. Diagnosis is the identification of the nature of a […] problem by examination of the symptoms (acc. to google dictionary).
When you’re pregnant you have to evaluate different kicks and sensations. Is it normal, time to consult a friend or to go to a doctor? With a new born, you learn to identify different types of cries or screams indicating smaller or bigger problems. With toddlers you learn to evaluate situations regarding whether you have to support or can let your toddler handle something on their own.
As a momma, you get to know your kids and learn what is a real problem, a cry for attention or regular toddler madness, etc. For each situation you apply, or at least try to, a respective parenting style and problem solving approach to keep your family safe, the show running and your mind sane.
Diagnosis is also one of the key leadership skills to have. Your ability “to define and understand what kind of problem you are facing – and how to choose the subsequent leadership approach to take.” Keith Grint’s research paper, “Wicked Problems and Clumsy Solutions: The Role of Leadership”, provides valuable insights into different problem categories and leadership styles to solve them.
In this blog post, we will explore the different problems mommas face in raising children, categorize them into Grint‘s three problem categories, and compare suggested leadership styles with parenting approaches.
Problem Category 1: Simple Problems
I am currently going through the weaning phase with my third baby. To no surprise did eating solids not work on the first day nor is the process linear. One day she will readily accept solids on a spoon, another day she will completely refuse anything other than breastmilk.
This situation is a simple problem. I have weaned two babies before just as other billions of parents have weaned their babies. While the process and how we reach the target of only eating solids might differ with baby, there are many sources I can consult and recommendations I can apply: my own experience, momma friends’ experience, parenting books, blog posts, etc.
Towards my baby I will provide support and guidance in tackling this challenge of changing to solid foods. I will establish consistent routines that help her adopt the new way but also set clear boundaries. An authoritative parenting approach.
In Grint’s framework, simple problems are characterized by clear cause-and-effect relationships and known solutions. There is only a limited degree of uncertainty. “A complicated problem can be considered tame/simple if it is something that you have seen before and have a good idea how to solve it.” Therefore, the best leadership style to solve this problem is a management approach (Grint, 2008). This involves applying established knowledge and procedures to solve the problem efficiently.
In the context of motherhood, these problems typically revolve around everyday tasks such as feeding, bathing, and sleep routines. While they may seem straightforward, they still require attention and organization.
Problem Category 2: Critical Problems
About a year ago, when I was a momma of #2under2 and pregnant with baby number 3, we were rushing to leave the house to a doctor’s appointment. Trying to manage the kids, the pram and bags it got crowded on our porch and Globy ended up falling off of it. She started screaming and as I picked her up I saw blood. As she continued screaming I tried to figure out where the blood was coming from. It came from her mouth and I saw that she had chipped her tooth.
What to do? In theory, this could also be a simple problem. A known solution exists: calm kid down, take kid to a doctor, wait for evaluation, proceed based on it.
It was just that we had just moved and didn’t have a dentist in the area yet. My Japanese was unfortunately not great at the time. I was quite shook by the situation and didn’t feel like doing a google search for a dentist to see whether they could take us in immediately in Japanese. Globy was still crying and bleeding and I had to care for my one year old, too.
To me, it was a critical problem that needed immediate attention. I called my husband, he took over to find a dentist and arrange our appointment. I focused on calming Globy and getting her there.
In this situation, the parenting approach was a little bit more authoritarian. It was parent-driven and a strict direction was set “we’re going to the dentist NOW”. There was no time for discussions or explanations in the moment.
We’ve all had situations in the workplace without time for discussions or explanations due to a critical problems. A “time-sensitive crises that need to be handled decisively.” These kinds of problems are best addressed through a commanding leadership style (Goleman, 2000) that focuses on providing answers. This style is also referred to as the coercive leadership style, only recommended for crisis or turn around situations.
Critical problems are characterized by multiple interconnected factors and require expertise or specialized knowledge to solve according to Grint. In the realm of motherhood, complicated problems can include issues related to education, healthcare, and emotional development.
Problem Category 3: Wicked Problems
Simple and critical problems are easy to think of. But beyond that?
Something I often wonder about is how to parent and raise my Global Babies. There are so many aspects about their childhood that are different from mine. There are so few families that are similar to ours (in all its specifics) who I could learn from. As I’ve written in my post “What are Global Babies?” there are many topics I don’t have an answer for (right now). Furthermore, I am probably not even aware of certain topics yet to which I will need an answer in the future.
It is the absence of an answer within one person, the leader (or the parent) that defines this third problem category. In the hope to solve the problem it has to be transferred from the individual to the collective. This huge degree of uncertainty requires to ask the right questions rather than to provide the right answers.
There are many other international, interracial families living abroad in a third country. There are dozens of Facebook groups around many of the topics that we are experiencing. Yet, all their stories are individual and therefore, all I can do is ask questions and from the answers I receive, draw conclusions for our own situation.
Drawing on the collective to find answers might also include my Global Babies themselves. Permissive parenting allows children more freedom to explore and make their own choices. When dealing with wicked problems, mommas who incorporate a permissive parenting approach might encourage their children to express themselves and explore different solutions. While maintaining boundaries, they could provide space for children to learn from their mistakes and develop problem-solving skills through trial and error.
In the workplace, VUCA and BANI worlds create problems to which we at first do not have an answer. They are complex in that they are shaped by the context in which they occur. Grint calls these wicked problems. They do not have a clear cause and effect and their complexity makes them difficult to manage. Addressing them requires an adaptive leadership approach that focuses on asking questions. It involves the ability to navigate and adapt to ambiguous and changing circumstances.
“But Wicked Problems often embody the inverse of this – we cannot solve them, and we need to be very wary of acting decisively precisely because we cannot know what to do. If we knew what to do it would be a Tame Problem not a Wicked Problem. Yet the pressure to act decisively often leads us to try to solve the problem as if it was a Tame Problem.” (Grint, 2008)
As parents we have to take decision for our children and our families, decisively. Whether they are the right ones we might never know. We will be ok for sure but could we have been better? The fact that we will never know sounds similar to not being able to solve a wicked problem.
In the realm of motherhood, wicked problems may include behavioral issues, sibling rivalry, or balancing work-life commitments. What do you think?
Conclusion
The ability to read your context is not only a crucial parenting skill but also a key leadership skill. Motherhood is a dynamic journey that requires mothers to navigate a wide range of problems. By categorizing these problems according to Grint‘s framework and comparing them with suggested leadership styles, we can identify parenting approaches that align with each problem category. This skill is very transferrable to work.
A management approach with tried processes and authoritative parenting are effective in addressing simple problems, while a commanding leadership style and authoritarian parenting approach are beneficial for critical problems. When it comes to wicked problems, adaptive leadership and permissive parenting encourage innovative problem-solving. By understanding their challenges, mommas can develop a versatile toolkit to tackle the diverse challenges they encounter, nurturing the growth and development of their children. Likewise by being able to read their context in macro terms, in terms of organizational culture and to define clearly the kind of challenge they’re trying to address, leaders can be more effective.
Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all solution, neither in motherhood nor in leadership, and the key lies in embracing the journey, learning from experiences, and adapting to the unique needs of each problem.
