On returning to work from maternity leave

One year ago (almost to the day) I had just started my maternity leave for baby No 3. I came across a reel about the “return to work after maternity leave”, made by Kelly Taylor @kids_and_the_commute on IG reposted by the @the_female_lead. The reel shows a woman being asked how it’s been since having the baby and being back at work. She’s giving a ‘socially accepted positive answer’ but zones out to describes her real feelings.

There are more than 30,000 likes and 300 comments on the past ranging from voicing similar experiences to tips and tricks how to deal with it. One comment got me: “Can anyone take this to corporate?” It just shows how there is another part of the female experience that hasn’t been normalized yet. That we haven’t been able to fully accept into our society and life. That we haven’t found pragmatic easy solutions for.

As a mother of 3 and corporate manager about to return to work from child care leave for baby no 3, I feel obligated to talk about the return to work from maternity leave. This post is a summary of the topics discussed under the above mentioned reel. I will share more about my own experience, how managers can support new mommas at work and more, in following posts in the future.

If you’re about to go on maternity leave, read my thoughts on maternity leave plans from a manager’s view on it and take my maternity leave survey.

Experiences upon returning to work

Here are some of the experiences Kelly Taylor describes what she would mention if she was honest about her return:

feeling a little bit all over the place
crying several times per day
finding the whole experience overwhelming
missing baby so much it hurts and they’re all you can think of
so engrossed and energized by work that you forget about baby entirely and start feeling like a bad mom
feeling self-conscious about how you look which is reinforced by too many people thinking they can comment on your appearance
some people treat them as if they haven’t been away and expect them to pick up right where they left off
others are treating you like you had a terminal illness
feeling like you have to work twice as hard as everyone else to prove you haven’t lost it
spending most of the day completely riddled with guilt
feeling like everything I do is wrong
feel like you can’t show anyone how exhausted you are from too little sleep to not seem like you cannot cope

Her experience, my experience and the many experiences shared in the comments below let me know that it is different for everyone. Super easy for some, even more tough than described above for others. I want us and society as a whole to be able to hold space for all of the experiences and meet new mommas where they need it. So let’s look at the tips the community shared in the comments.

Tips what the new momma can do

Compartmentalize – at work – at work; with baby – with baby
Think of the positives you are giving off to your offspring, motivated, earning, self-sufficient, and the life lessons working brings to your child’s perspective of you
Investment in your self (something new to talk to partner about)
Knowing that if you can get through that return to work phase you are invincible
Let go of the guilt
Find a colleague mum who has been through it and can guide and support you
Find someone on the same seniority level who went on leave (same number of kids)
Find your tribe of allies who can help you through the tough days
Stay hydrated
Review your feeding regime – can you supplement with formula so dad can help? (And you can get more sleep was the recommendation I think)
Make your return to work not on a Monday but a short week
Ask for hybrid/flexible working arrangements
“Don’t feel” – checks facts? Ask your managers how your performance is
Set realistic expectations and tangible goals, be transparent and acknowledge the positive attributes you are gaining as you learn to adapt and evolve into having two full-time jobs

Tips what colleagues can do

The return to work is tremendously shaped by how people receive you there. That’s why I loved the many tips on what colleagues can do. With regards to ‘can someone take this to corporate?’, these ideas should be part of a handbook and dealt out at every company with a pregnant employee.

Open ear, be empathetic
Not planning early or late meetings (inclusive work place!?)
Be aware that a baby might change a person so don’t expect the same one to return
Priorities of working moms might be different but they can still be professional
Don’t refer to maternity leave as vacation or time off. It’s physically, mentally and emotionally a lot when becoming a mom
Be patient – adult interaction might have been limited during mat leave
Ask and care
Respect their working schedule as it was aligned, don’t schedule last minute meetings or meetings that would interfere with nursery pick up times
Help reinforce and normalize boundaries of e.g. leaving work to pick up baby
Don’t throw all returning mums in the same basket. Some want to do the minimum, some are the same as before, others are ready for more from an empowering experience of giving birth. Ask the person where they’re at and treat them accordingly.
Don’t comment on the appearance

Tips what companies can do

An inclusive work culture should take care of it. The comments show that more can be done in the workplace for majority of female employees who will have a baby throughout their career. It is not an event that every manager and team experiences on the regularly or ever. Therefore I can understand they might not know naturally what to do. Here are two tips on how to help from the comments.

Parents network – normalizing to talk about going and returning from maternity leave
Should there be more information for childless employees how to treat new working parents?
People returning from sick leave get a plan to be re-integrated, few hours at the beginning only, etc. Why not do the same for new mommas?

How about you?

I will share my experience, both on the personal as well as the professional side in one of the next posts. But how about you? Have you experienced a return to work from maternity leave – as a new momma, colleague or supervisor? What worked and where would you have liked more support? Let me know in the comments and elevate this experience to make it better for all new mommas to come.