School Starts: Navigating the First Grade Leap

“We did it. She went with a smile, we picked her up with a smile.”

It’s Sunday night, 10pm. The first ever week of Globy in school is over. A new milestone achieved. As much as I was focused on her transition, I’m now taking a moment to reflect on mine — my transition into being a school mum.

The Preparation: Mental Load Meets School Supply Lists

Just as I remember from my school, we received a list with items to get for the start of school. In retrospect, the list is nothing crazy. Standard items that we all remember from our own school days. Before getting everything it seemed quite daunting to me for 2 reasons. 

Appropriate Items in an International Context

Going to international school that is requesting local items based on the school’s nations standards is a Momma Globy Mental load. Do you have to get the items from the home country? Will local items do? If local, where will I find everything? If it is not 100% like the home country item, will it be acceptable? What is the meaning of some of these items? For first time school parents, some things should have been elaborated more – or I have been in Japan for too long looking for too detailed descriptions of everything. 

Am I doing right by my child? 

Coupled with some of the thoughts above I kept wondering about the impact the items you would get will have on your child. If they’re not 100% right, how will the teacher react? Will other children make fun of my child?

The supply list was tied to subjects covered during the year—a glimpse into the new world Globy is entering. And with it came the doubts: Did we choose the right school?

One thing that helped was to start early and not get ready in a rushed manner. Having a ‘mama tomo’ that has done this before and is able to guide you and answer questions beyond the information that school gives you, is priceless. 

Concluding my over thinking of the supply list: It’s not just about the right glue stick—it’s about the invisible weight of wanting to protect them while letting them grow.

New Routines: Time, Togetherness & Tiny Shifts

For most parents, starting school means a shift in routines. In ‘The Family Firm’, Emily Oster describes how the choice of school and extra curricular activities determines the rest of your life. Would recommend this book to anyone with their first child turning 5 and this decision moving closer.

We now have to get up about an 30-45 min earlier than before to leave the house with Globy an hour earlier. Before, the whole family would usually leave together in the car for the first drop off. Now, one of us parents, takes Globy in by herself while the other one gets the little ones ready to go. On the one hand this means some special alone time with Globy when I take her but on the other hand it means we have an hour less as a family. If I don’t take her in, I have an hour less with her compared to before. It’s crazy to say but I feel this and it feels like a small piece has been missing in my day.

Getting up earlier might mean they need to sleep earlier so that they get enough sleep. New wake up times during the week may also affect the wake up times on the weekend. An earlier school lunch can lead to lunch requests earlier than before on the weekends, too.

We’ll take some time to get used to our new routines but week 1 has left me feeling confident that we will find and manage our new groove.

The Surge in Independence

Globy’s Kindergarten felt quite protected and strict about everything on the one hand. On the other hand, they took the kids on a trip once a month to a destination some 20-30 minutes away. This is a lot more than I ever did in Kindergarten. They even did a sleep over at Kindergarten this summer. While the activities seem advanced, the supervision within those seemed rather strict. 

Now at school, there is a lot more freedom for the kids. I feel like I should have been warned about this. 

At Kindergarten, lunch boxes were being placed in front of her, she now chooses, carries and pays for her own food at a small cafeteria. After school care is confined to the school area but within that she is free to move. It’s amazing how quickly she seems to have to come to feel comfortable in the new environment and is taking full advantage of it. It includes the ability to go to the cafeteria to get herself a snack. Hilariously, at least to me, the purchases are tracked in a payment app. While I’m at work I can find out whether she bought any snacks. (Yes, I saw that chocolate chip cookie purchase!).

Instead of teachers handing over your child to you, she now comes running towards me outside or I find her in deep discussions with class mates in the halls.

All of this is so beautiful to witness but such a reminder of how motherhood constantly changes.

My First Parent Teacher Conference: A Parent’s Debut

During the first week, there were already two parent teacher conferences in the evening. The class teacher explained the curriculum, the headmaster shared school-wide info.

I remember my parents going to these parent teacher conferences when I was a child in school. Now I am the parent attending my first ever parent teacher conference.

Walking in, I tried to take it in as much as possible and wondered: Will my behavior influence how the teacher will see and treat my child? Same with other parents, can my behavior affect who my child gets to become friends with? 

The Horror: Stories You Don’t Want to Hear

In the course of the information sharing they also talked about issues that children can have and how they try to support. E.g. a child is beaten at home, doesn’t get enough to eat and is visibly thin or mobbing amongst the kids. 

Speaking to the parents, especially those who have more than one and are older than yours, reveals stories that you don’t want to hear. Mobbing to the point of suicidal thoughts in a 12 year old. Second grade boys having a challenge of who can grab a girl between her legs. 2nd Graders. They are 7-8 year olds max. How is this possible? I will ask them to also start something like https://www.teachusconsent.com, great initiative in Australia.

While horrified I am also glad to hear the stories as it gives me even more clues what I have to prepare my child for. 

The Organization: Emails, Events & Playdates

In the first week alone, I got 11 emails from the school. I might have to hire an assistant, either for me or for Globy if this amount of communication continues haha

A look at the important events of the school shows how busy life around school is. How much this tiny little baby has and is becoming her own person with her own social life going on. 

The drop off pick up logistics was something that we were able to discuss and plan a little in advance. With regards to events or play dates, there will be a lot of ad hoc planning, flexibility and working as a team demanded from us. 

A Switch in Languages: Multilingual Mindfulness

Whenever I go back to Germany and all I hear and speak is German, my mind doesn’t feel right. It’s hard to explain but it just seems to crave at least English, if more languages, better. In raising multi-lingual children I want to be mindful of the impact languages have on them, too.

Therefore, I’ve been very concerned with switch of languages from Kindergarten to school that has now taken place for Globy. While I am not worried about what will happen to her language capabilities, I am very concerned about her mental state and development and how that might be impacted by the switch.

I was so relieved when I realized there will be at least some lessons in the other two languages. Now she just needs to be accepted into those classes. 

Instead of worrying, I will channel my energy into looking for ways where she can immerse herself in all her spoken languages through extra curricular activities and won’t have to feel like me in monolingual situations. 

Focus and Balance

As you want to make sure the child starting school will have a good transition, do not forget how it affects your other children. The change in morning routine, also means a change in routine for Shibi and Baby. They see their older sister less. They get a little bit more time with mom and dad without their big sister. Shibi used to go to Kindergarten with Globy, now she goes alone. This has been affecting her more, or should I say differently than I thought. 

Take account of changes for all family members and affected people to make sure they get the attention and care they need during this transition. 

Conclusion: A Major Milestone for Both of Us

This transition felt bigger than from one Kindergarten to the next. It makes sense. The kids are a lot older, they can be a lot more verbal about how it is for them, whether they like it or not. They also take everything in much more consciously. And so do I. 

Whether we’re doing right by them? Only time will tell. Parenting is – and always will be – a wicked problem. 

Working Momma Survival Tips for School Transition

My pro-tip for all mommas who are going through this transition for the first time, is to have a “Senpai”. This is a Japanese term for someone who is doing the same as you but 1-2 years ahead of you. One of my Mama Tomos (Mama Tomodachi – friend) here was definitely able to help and guide me and take some of my worries from me. My gratefulness is why I wanted to sit down and write this post. In the hopes it can help another momma going through this transition in one form or another. 

Block the week in your calendar early in advance. I had already put it in my calendar when I was planning for the year in January. Inform your supervisor and team about the situation if the workplace culture allows. You might want to be able to pick your child up after classes and before after school care (depending on the system). You might need a minute to figure out the new drop off, pick up routines. There might be more emotions to handle. The less stressful you can make work for yourself for the first week, the more present you can be for your child and yourself in this transition.

From One Momma to Another

If you’re going through this transition—or have already survived it—drop me a comment or DM. What helped you most? What surprised you? Let’s build a little wisdom circle here.

And to my Mama Tomo who helped me through this: thank you. This post is for you—and for every momma navigating this bittersweet milestone.